COURTSHIP 101
Prerequisites
1. Parents raise daughters to be maidens of virtue and sons to be Godly spiritual leaders in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
2. Daughters and sons vow to remain pure in spirit, mind and body all their lives.
3. Daughters and sons trust the Lord to bring their future mate into their lives at just the right moment. Therefore, they have no need to look for their mate before they are in the season of life when they are prepared to be married, but instead pray throughout their childhood and single years for their future mate.
Courtship
1. Young man feels led by the Holy Spirit to ask the father of a young maiden of virtue who has "caught his eye" if he can have permission to court her after first having asked his own father's permission (to be certain that he is in the season of life when he is prepared to be married).
2. If the girl's father feels that the young lady is in the season of life where she is prepared to be married, and if he feels that the young man might be worthy of his daughter's hand in marriage, he tells the young man that he will need to answer a lot of questions first. (If one of these two aren't true, then the father lets the potential suitor know and the courtship ends before it ever begins.)
3. Young man says, "Yes sir! Whatever you say, sir!" and then answers the questions prayerfully and honestly. We feel it is best to provide the questions in writing so that the young man has the opportunity to pray and really think about the answers.
4. Once the father is satisfied that the young man is suitable and daughter is ready, he asks daughter if she is willing to be courted by this young man. If she isn't, then the father communicates this to the potential suitor for her. (Remember, he is her protector.)
5. If daughter says yes, then the father gives permission to the young man. It is completely appropriate if the daughter has more questions to be answered before committing to the courtship. The courtship itself is quite serious because you only go into it with marriage in mind.
6. The father, mother and daughter agree on courtship guidelines and asks if the young man is willing to go by those guidelines -- such as what is and is not acceptable like holding hands or not, being alone or not, etc. (In our case we chose to do niether.)
7. The daughter and the young man spend time together in the presence of their families and also with their families in order for everyone to get to know each other completely.
8. The young man leads the daughter in Bible study and prayer throughout courtship so that they may begin to grow into one spiritually. (A word of caution: if the young man is not spiritually mature enough to lead in Bible study, then he should not even be considered as a potential suitor. However, if the girl's father sees enough potential in him, he could invest time in discipling and training this young man before turning him away completely. Even if he doesn't see him as a potential suitor for his daughter, he could still disciple and train him for the Lord.)
9. The young man and daughter continually pray for wisdom and guidance as they hopefully become close friends but do their best to not become emotionally attached until everyone involved is sure that this relationship is the Lord's will for their lives. This will be different for each couple. The fathers and mothers need to pay close attention and help guide the sons and daughters. The fathers are still in charge at this point and have the final say-so on everything.
10. Once the young man feels led to ask for the daughter's hand in marriage, he first asks permission from his own father because his father should know more about whether he is ready for marriage. Once given permission, he then asks the father of the daughter for permission to ask her. Once given permission to ask, he asks the daughter to marry him. Engagement or betrothal follows. Times of courtship and engagement are different for everyone. It's more about God's will and direction and the couple's preparedness than a particular time frame...
During courtship they focus on spiritual matters but abstain from being physical and do their best to abstain from a deep emotional attachment. During engagement they can begin focusing on a deep emotional attachment as well as other important plans for their future life together. After marriage is obviously when the physical attachment enters into the relationship.
Of course courtship and engagement are different for everyone. Sometimes parents won't participate and it's just the young couple's decision to court on their own. Also, each father and each couple set different guidelines according to their desires, beliefs and situations. These guidelines are based more on what we have felt led to do.The season of courtship is a time for deepening the courting couple's friendship and for focusing on becoming one spiritually. A few ways to do so might be to read and study God's word together, pray together, share testimonies with each other of what God has done/is doing in your life, ask each other questions in order to learn more about the other person (such as their life growing up, their thoughts and beliefs, their favorite activities, interests, etc.), spend lots of time with each other's families... Okay, I think you get the idea!
Also, one of the most important things to realize is that every courtship is different. There are no "rights" and no "wrongs". It's less about do's and don'ts and much more about honoring our Father in heaven. As long as the young man and young lady and both of their families make Jesus Christ the number one priority in all these things, that is what truly matters. The bottom line is: Who are you striving to please and to serve? Yourself? Your peers? Or is the purpose of your relationship to please the Lord Jesus Christ, Maker of heaven and earth? The answer to this question is what truly makes a pivotal difference!
"Choose this day whom you will serve.
... But as for me and my house,
we will serve the LORD!"
we will serve the LORD!"
Joshua 24:15
Have a very blessed week, everyone! :)
